Things that may need to be said.

A friend came to me with some questions and I thought maybe if they were worried about these things maybe some of you are too. Please know that I always, ALWAYS welcome questions and confrontations from my friends. I HATE fakeness and I HATE dishonesty so even if it may knock me down a bit to hear what you have to say, I want to hear it. Now, don't take that as open season on Bethany (I prefer that you come to me in love, not accusation!), but know that you are welcome to ask.

It bothers me that you ask for money for your adoption and then in your next breath you talk about going to another thrift store.
There is a huge difference between spending $30 on several items of clothing and spending $20,000+ on an adoption. I think perhaps you are getting an off-kilter picture of our lives. I write about my thrift store finds because it's something I enjoy and I know a lot of my friends enjoy hearing about the deals I find. I don't write about how we've cut back on a lot of things, because it is not interesting to read about. I do write a lot about how I've saved us $2,000 or more on toiletries, food, and household items just this year via couponing. And that's savings on items we would've bought eventually - not that I just got because they were a good deal. (Although I do get a lot of those things too, but only if they're free.) I'd say that savings of $2,000 makes it OK to spend a little bit at a thrift store sometimes. It's cheaper than going out to eat (which we also do about 2 times per week, but almost exclusively via mystery shops, gift cards, and amazing coupons, which I do not always mention when I say we went out to eat), or going out for drinks, or getting a pedicure (which I have actually never done), or having a data plan on your cell phone, or going to Starbucks a few times a week, or buying one pair of jeans at the mall, or any number of other things.

You could get a part time job, and put all that money towards adoption if this is really important to you.
I have a part-time job. Why do people always forget that I work at my church? I also sell things on Ebay and Craig's List, do occasional odd jobs and, rarely, freelance design jobs, and I make a small amount from selling t-shirts online. I also hope to begin selling my photography online. All that money from all those things goes to the adoption - as did all the money from my modeling gigs.

Don't you think that you and Isaac saving up the money yourself will make getting the baby so much more exciting?
Absolutely not. Getting our friends and family involved is far better because then their hearts will be invested even more, and maybe they will consider giving to other families who are adopting. Read Adopted for Life by Russell Moore for how I feel about that. Also, I don't follow that logic; when a woman gives birth her insurance covers most of it, and that doesn't make her having the baby any less exciting.

Why not save and wait til Isaac is done with seminary?
He won't be done with his Master's until 2013 (that will be the year of our 10th wedding anniversary) and his Doctorate till 2017 (I think). We don't want to just be starting as parents when we're in our mid-30s! Oh, and when he finishes, we will likely be taking a massive pay cut because he will become a Bible teacher instead of a tax preparer, so that will not be an opportune time to spend tens of thousands of dollars to have children.

There are some people who are reading your blog who literally will have to adopt if they ever want to have kids. Knowing that you just don't want to be pregnant is a big reason behind your decision rubs me wrong.
I'm not sure how you got that idea, because that is NOT the reason we are adopting. We are adopting because we don't understand why anyone would bring more kids into the world when there are already millions and millions of kids out there already who will never know the love of a family or hear about Jesus. There are an estimated 6 million orphans in Ethiopia alone. That's about 5 times the population of Jacksonville - just in that ONE country. We know that people think we're nuts for not having a desire for our own biological kids. We're used to that and we accept that we're the weird ones, and we certainly do not look down on people who have biological kids. (Obviously not.) But that does NOT mean we are sinful or selfish or whatever people think we are for not trying to get pregnant.
Edited to add: Isaac said on Facebook, "The Bible talks about a man being blessed whose quiver is full. We are choosing to pick our arrows up of the ground instead of making new ones." Quiverfull Movement connotations aside (because we are SO not part of that), that is a very, very good way of putting it.

Why can't you adopt an American child? It's cheaper, and there are kids here that need loving parents.
There are lots of kids here who need parents - that's true. But it is unlikely that a child in the States will die of starvation or HIV or TB or any other treatable illness that they cannot afford or obtain treatment for in a poorer country. Not to mention that a child here has a much higher chance of hearing the true Gospel than one in a predominantly Catholic (I'm talking Catholic like El Salvador, not American Catholic) or Muslim country. Plus, we've been to orphanages in poor countries and we've been to an orphanage here in the US. HUGE difference in quality of life. Just talk to a kid old enough to remember their orphanage in the Ukraine or Jamaica or wherever and you will know. That said, we hope if people are moved to adopt from the USA that they will! Who cares where you adopt from as long as you adopt! But we have felt called to adopt from poorer countries. If in the future God does not provide for that, then we will likely adopt domestically. If that happens we would like to work with a crisis pregnancy center or some such thing so that we can put our money where our pro-life mouths are.

Question from a friend on Facebook: When you adopt your child will you keep his/her born name or give it an americanized name?
Our kids are gonna be 100% our kids, and that will include the names we've had picked out for ages. Although I think if they have a given name, we will make that a second middle name. That'll make for some long names, but then they'll have the option later on. Also, if we end up adopting older kids (like, age 5 & up) eventually, we'll probably just keep their names because it might be confusing/overwhelming for them to change after having that name for so long.

Let me also add that I am not posting this to have anyone think badly about the friend who initially asked the questions. I'm glad they asked so I could clear things up, especially since a few of you have said you'd wondered some of the same things.

Any other questions?